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On electability

Forwarded by Mark Pilgrim (2008-06-19), who adapted this version from <a rel=”via” href=”http://www.slate.com/id/2193798/>Christopher Beam @ Slate (2008-06-17).

From: Mark Pilgrim
Subject: Teach the Controversy about Barack Obama
Date: 19 June 2008

There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American’s PATRIOTIC DUTY to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times, even in the shower. One time he DROPPED THE PIN down the drain, and he PATRIOTICALLY disassembled his entire plumbing to retrieve it.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag, and he has an American flag in EVERY ROOM in his house. Some days it takes him OVER 45 MINUTES to get out of his house. He also ends every sentence by saying, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL. On the INTERNET there is video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It’s upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups. He does FIFTY SITUPS every morning, which is the same number as OUR FOUNDING FATHERS did to commemorate our FIFTY STATES.

Barack Obama take his daughters HUNTING every weekend — HUNTING LIBERALS, that is. Liberals are ALWAYS IN SEASON.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic, which is the language JESUS SPOKE before he learned English. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW. If elected, he has pledged to build a MEGACHURCH inside AIR FORCE ONE.

Barack Obama’s skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL. His blood is the color of the AMERICAN FLAG. His fingernails are the color of APPLE PIE. He rubs AMERICAN SOIL on his chest every 20 minutes, then cleanses himself with HOLY WATER.

Barack Obama buys only AMERICAN GOODS. His sole possessions are a FORD PICK-UP TRUCK, a GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL, and HALF THE STATE OF MONTANA. He drinks only APPALACHIAN MOONSHINE, eats only FREEDOM FRIES, and travels exclusively by JOHN DEERE TRACTOR.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW! SPREAD THE TRUTH ABOUT BARACK OBAMA!!!!!

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7 replies to On electability Use a feed to Follow replies to this article · TrackBack URI

  1. Soviet Onion

    Well, in terms of hilarity, this certainly tops that dubious Nigerian email I just received. And it’s only slightly less coherent, too.

  2. Belinsky

    Pretty funny, RG. I was laughing!

  3. shiva

    Rad Geek: Any chance of a libertarian anti-psychiatrist perspective on Obama’s recent comments about mental health and abortion?

  4. Rad Geek

    shiva,

    I haven’t been following the election news closely at all. Do you mean the flap over Obama’s wavering comments on mental health exceptions to late-term abortion bans? Or another flap besides?

  5. shiva

    Yeah, that’s it. A few feminist blogs have been discussing it quite a lot – unfortunately i didn’t bookmark any of them, but i think Astraea and Echidne of the Snakes were among them.

    Some discussions have been taking more of an “does mental health count as health?” and “mental health parity” kind of angle…

  6. Rad Geek

    shiva,

    Well, as a practical matter I favor there being as many loopholes as possible in existing abortion laws, so in that sense I’m worried about Obama’s wavering on the issue. Because I believe in a right to abortion on demand, including late-term abortion, for any reason whatever, and even though I think that the ideology and rhetoric of mental health is philosophically confused and profoundly corrosive, it’s not like striking out mental health loopholes in abortion bans is somehow going to fix that cultural problem. (And, even if it could somehow fix that cultural problem, it’s not like fixing a cultural problem is worth trampling on women’s liberty and rights to control over their own reproductive organs.)

    But I do think that it’s worth pointing out that there is a problem here, and especially in light of Obama’s second, supposedly backtracking set of comments, which in some ways were worse than his first. I understand, but am ultimately unconvinced by, outrage over his earlier feeling blue remarks, because, while I think he’s wrong on the issue, what he’s wrong about doesn’t have anything to do with whether he happened to say feeling blue, or cited something official-sounding out of the DSM-IV. Honestly, I think it is more honest and fruitful to talk about the issue in terms of feeling blue than it is to talk about the issue in terms of serious clinical mental health diseases [sic]. The former is a discussion about whether or not women should be able to get an abortion in order to avoid (possibly excruciating) emotional suffering. I think she does; apparently Obama only thinks she does under certain criteria, viz. when some Responsible Medical Professional comes in to record and stamp your experience of suffering and has declared that it’s now officially bad enough for your feelings to matter. That kind of talk puts power in the hands of shrinks rather than the pregnant woman, and thus once again squashing any attempt to discuss the things that we urgently need, or deeply desire, or that are most important to us, in terms other than those terms that have been imposed on the model of medical practice, medical institutions, and medical knowledge.

  7. shiva

    Yeah, i think i pretty much agree with that analysis.

    It’s just one of those annoying cases where (most of) the people who are on “my” side on the issue actually at stake are using arguments that i deeply dislike (like the “depression is just like a broken leg!” mantra. Er, no it’s not… unless living in a patriarchal, statist, capitalist, racist, disablist (etc) shitstem causes your legs to break spontaneously. Which i don’t think it does…)

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