With all precincts reporting in we can now confirm that last night saw a truly historic election in this secessionist republic of one. This year, as you may remember, there was only one candidate for Head of State, Charles W. Johnson. But remarkably, due to a result of a campaign to boycott the election in protest against the one-party state, not a single voter in the SRO’s electorate of one single voter showed up to vote on Johnson’s re-election — leaving the popular vote in the SRO at 0-0.
With the unprecedented 0% voter turnout, there were some rumors and fears in the foreign press overnight of a provisional government attempting to keep control over the SRO without an electoral mandate, or protracted legal disputes. Some even considered the possibility of civic unrest, turning Charles W. Johnson against Charles W. Johnson. But this morning the state media agency has reported a concession speech by Charles W. Johnson, announcing that in light of his unwillingness to vote for himself or to participate in his current form of government, he would peacefully step down as Head of State, and that the Republic will provisionally operate as an autonomous spokescouncil of one with no formal officers or head of state, and all political decisions to be made by an endless consensus process meeting which will continue until the next election cycle, or until someone needs to go to the bathroom or get some sleep.
-  If you’re wondering why it’s a 0-to-0 vote, even though there was only one candidate running, you should know that in the SRO we always have a ballot line for None Of The Above. ↩