Posts filed under The Spitting Image

The Spitting Image: “The Ship of Death Has A New Captain” edition

I’ve never much liked Rudy Giuliani.

It shouldn’t be hard to say why. There’s all the obvious reasons: the record of police brutality, the sadistic security-state Law-and-Orderism, the sleazy cronyism, and his unabashedly Mussolinist corporatism and dictatorial executive style. But I have to admit that there’s something more to it than all that. Setting aside all of the destructive policies and all the personal vices, there’s always just been something else about him, about how he holds himself, a certain I know-not-what, that gave me the uneasy feeling that I’ve seen this all somewhere before. And in light of recent photographic evidence, I now know that there can no longer be any doubt about Rudy Giuliani, his public persona, and the nature of his political career.

Van Helsing: Gentlemen, we are dealing with the undead.

Scholar: Nosferatu….

Van Helsing: Yes, Nosferatu.

Well. It would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

The Spitting Image, Captain of the Hosts Edition

What is it that unnerves me so much about the media’s duly-appointed Presumptive Republican Front-Runner, Senator John McCain? Is it the rampaging militarism? The austerely fascist aesthetic of his campaign materials? The newsmedia’s idiotic enthusiasm for any politician who can, in some sense or another, be packaged as a straight talker, without consideration for what the content of the straight talk might be? (So he says, with some conviction, that we ought to bomb the world. Great.)

Well, yes, yes, and yes, but there’s something that runs deeper, too. Just something about him, a certain I-know-not-what about the way he holds himself, and the way he talks, and the way he rallies his troops, that I can’t quite put words to. Where have I seen this before? Oh, wait…

Here's a photo of John McCain. And here's a photo of Gothmog, Captain of Morgul, from the Return of the King, looking eerily similar.

Yeah, that’s it.

McCain: The age of Man is over. The age of the Orc has begun!

The Spitting Image, Only Funny If You Liked the Same Movies as Me in High School Edition

What is it that so unsettles me about Alberto Gonzales? Is it the coziness with torture and indifference to minimal norms of civilization? Or is it the haughty and contemptuous defense of Caesarian executive power? The rapid turns he routinely makes between dissembling, palavering, and baring the sharpened fangs in a grin or a snarl?

Yes, of course that all worries me. But there’s something else, a certain I-cannot-say-what. It’s in the hair, the eyes, the posture, the facial expression, the shape of the headI’ve seen it before. But where? Oh, yeah.

Alberto Gonzales leans his blocky-shaped head forward during testimony Ron Perlman's character leans his blocky-shaped head forward and grins a predatory grin while leaning forward in The Last Supper

I’m just sayin’.

(No personal jabs at Ron Perlman intended, by the way–if you don’t recognize the film and the character from the still, this almost certainly won’t be funny to you, but for the record, it’s from The Last Supper (1995). Just so you know.)